muckrights-sans-merde
bonum fabula frat
### songs-about-narcissists
*originally posted:* aug 2021
first, the list:
### reason to believe-- rod stewart
one of the best songs ever written. the original by the songwriter is okay, stewarts version is simply perfection. not just a break-up song, a song about being used again and again by a liar.
### building a mystery-- sarah mclachlan
cant say im a huge sarah mclachlan fan, but credit where credit is due. i used to listen to this song all the time because i thought it sounded haunting and beautiful, which is obviously what shes going for. the lyrics are naturally dark, sad and lingering.
### bob dylan-- positively 4th street
another song i love from an artist i dont listen to much. i like his sons band more, actually. great lines about someone who (its absolutely fair use, but honestly i dont want to quote anything here) just wants to win at all costs and how its such a let-down just to be around them.
### waffle king-- weird al yankovic
a ridiculous song about a ridiculous person, who belives he is the centre of the universe because he makes the best waffles in town. even funnier if you know someone who really expects people to bow to them over such things. nothing against really good waffles, of course-- its the bullshit that makes it unfortunate. not a serious ballad nor is it angry (the songs written from the perspective of the waffle king himself) but it totally belongs here. humour is a great foil to bullshit.
### youre so vain-- carly simon
it would be a shame not to include this one. as a kid i wondered who it was really about, and simon finally admitted years later that the second verse was about warren beatty. i liked him in the movies i saw him in, though i guess im glad i never dated him.
### big shot-- billy joel
there are so many great songs by billy joel, and the energy in this one is amazing. without the music it would sound more preachy, but the song itself conveys a person throwing up his hands in disgust and frustration.
### liar-- henry rollins
more about this one in a moment.
the first six of these songs, i already knew. i considered adding the obvious choice from paula abdul and a tempting choice (by title, at least) from the eurythmics, and when i decided to go looking for another i found both on other songslists about narcissists.
i guess i shouldnt be surprised that i didnt think of it first, but there are far more titles to consider if youre lamenting time wasted on a manipulative lover. i was looking for the ones you can listen to and really get a good idea of what these people are about.
as far as i know, ive never listened to henry rollins until today-- i was expecting blues, but im not the least disappointed. "liar" is hilarious, especially if you watch the video, and i laughed several times while watching it because its very fitting and true to life. i love when he runs in the opposite direction of all the "<- real" signs. i still like stewarts song better, but i think "liar" sums up the list perfectly. you can find the longer list i got it from at this link:
=> https://fairytaleshadows.com/narcissism-abuse-recovery-songs/
when i originally wrote about narcissists in regards to free software, it was in a book that predated stallmans cancellation.
i was talking mostly about open source (in general). it wasnt about roy, because if it were i wouldnt have have sent it to him to put online.
but the problem is still widespread-- politician-like bullshit from liars and one-person-monopolists.
the two things that i think make it a major problem are the monopolistic element and the lying. the manipulation of course is a major problem, though its the lying that makes it possible.
some people would prefer to focus on what they consider the abusive aspects of narcissism. the problem with this is that it creates the perfect opportunity for covert narcissists-- monopolistic liars who hide their narcissism--to rise up and build their own monopolies in place of whatever horror we just worked to get away from. open source is a supreme example of this, because it saves us from the cult of bill by literally recreating it and dragging people back to it. but there are smaller examples, often found in community leadership roles.
theres no hope for the corporate side of this, in my opinion. not only has open source failed to liberate us just as it has reached the zenith of its self-declared success, but it has exposed the weakness of the free software movement to protect us from open source. i dont mean to paint this as a total failure, there are still some successes on the side of user freedom-- but there is no (public, at least) effort to stand up to this sort of thing. the very welcome exception is that stallman is back, but even roy has mentioned that he hardly talks anymore. there are several reasons that could be a coincidence too, but i dont think it is. i predicted that stallmans return would be mild-- i said "instead of kicking arse and taking names, he will have some tea and check his email".
i dont blame stallman for not doing more-- it really would be nice if he were more vocal, but its not like he hasnt done enough. if anything, free software in general could be doing better. this comment is not aimed at those ive seen try again and again to champion free software as well as user freedom, in this modern and somewhat dystopian era of the movement.
this problem of narcissists leading (so many of) our communities isnt new, nor do i think it is improving. it was years ago that i first wrote about this.
but since i have finally provoked roy to start attacking me from irc again (that wasnt really the goal, but its not unexpected as a side effect) i thought id do something ive been toying with the idea of for weeks, and thats make a little playlist about narcissists. i knew there were songs like this, but i wasnt sure how many.
a lot of people dont think of constant lying as a form of abuse, which doesnt mean they endorse it. but when the point of lying is using people, of creating false pretenses for them to devote their life and resources to things, you realise that such people are monopolists, running a very personal kind of scam.
im not suggesting that most people are honest with each other time, but theyre at least (by definition) honest on average.
the more superficial and media-driven society becomes, the more we put narcissists first because they always have a reason that we should, the more narcissistic society becomes. and it becomes a disorder brought on as a means of survival for more and more people.
im sure you can look up a formal definition and find a useful statistic on the number of people who are like this. my personal and rough estimate is 1 in 10 people. we can hope its less, some people probably think its more.
i dont think selfies are the problem. when you had to learn to draw or paint to do a "selfie", fewer people bothered. the easier weve made it to take a picture, the more people have done so. its not looking in the mirror that worries me, its when people make up an imaginary version of themselves, and its the closest they get (not close at all) to accountability, and they make an imaginary version of everyone else, based almost purely on ego.
thats the sort of narcissism im talking about. but the songs probably say enough on their own.
at any rate, im not sure this will ever change-- but if it does, i believe it will change in part because a higher percentage of people understand this. from ibm to debian, to microsoft to apple, to political leaders on "both" sides, this is one of the worst aspects of mankind. and its all about fake promises, fake friends and fake progress. its faux-kindness as bait, followed by the usual carrot and stick. and both the carrot (kindness) and the stick are based on lies. lies are really the foundation of this sort of use and abuse.
sadly, when you deal with monopolists, theyre very good at convincing people that they really are the best-- and that anything good is "fake" anyway.
i dont believe that. there is good in the world, but it has to work ten times as hard to win in a society that runs on bullshit.
those arent fair odds, and most of the people promising to fix everything are, sadly, full of shit. everybody in the non-profit sector knows a narcissist, or three.
also, theyre not loners. where theres one, theres usually (at least) one or two others in their shadow. think draco, crabbe and goyle. thats fiction and fantasy, but very realistic. youll often see two people acting like the best of friends, in constant competition and really showing how neither cares for the other (indeed theyre sort of out for blood in one way or another) but they will only say the nicest things in the world about each other, and stick up for each other most of the time. they may hate each other, they may love each other-- but theyre so manipulative and full of shit anyway, that really whats the difference?
=> https://muckrights-sans-merde.neocities.org